His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
