3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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