I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
