hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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