your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
