Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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