Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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