he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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