Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
