i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
