oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
MIDGETS
????
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
