Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The adults are the big ones right?
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