Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
