My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
