Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
