dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
