she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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