I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
