I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
