so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This is my gift to your gina
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
