I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
