I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Randomize
