an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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