And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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