Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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