I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
