I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
