Come see our sink grown plant.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
