i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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