im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
