i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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