that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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