My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
