I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
