i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I need help removing her.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
