okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
