Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
