she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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