if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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