so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
