when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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