Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
