those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
