she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
