so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
