she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i now understand why vodka
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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