my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We talked him into tasing himself.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
