U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
