I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
BRING THE BAGELS
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
