I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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