Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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