Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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