Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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