wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
