he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
