its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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