awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
