i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I said "one day" and that day is not today
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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