so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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