I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
