ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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