Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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