i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
