you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it glows. i had to have it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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