she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
