Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
