It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
