Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
this will be a night to untag.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
