she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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