cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You smell like stripper and shame
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
