I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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