i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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