I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
