2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Randomize