Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
